


The Sun I May Be

by sammyspreadyourwings



Series: Queen Prompts [31]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Drabble, Drunkenness, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Temporarily Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-18 05:42:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17574977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sammyspreadyourwings/pseuds/sammyspreadyourwings
Summary: Roger realizes he's in love with Brian. He's not super thrilled about it (he is)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this part was posted earlier, but then I wrote a second part and I realized that it may be easier to just post it as a separate multi-chapter fic. Bare with me. I don't do drabble collection usually.

Roger loves Brian. It’s not some grand revelation brought on by a tense event, there’s not even an event that makes him think it. They’re in the middle of picking up the scrabble board. Freddie tossed the pieces about after Brain played the word _Blazar_ where the Z lands on a triple word score. John vacated the room after Freddie stormed off. Roger is sorting the tiles when Brian pokes his head up from underneath the table with a bemused grin holding up a single tile.

“I found another R.”

 _I love him._ The thought cascades into his head. He’s elated for three seconds before the cascade stops and turns to ice. Love is a beautiful thing, he knows Brian loves him but in the same way, Freddie does and John does. Roger loves him like that, but he wants to add kissing and sex and adorably cliché romantic gestures into the relationship. It’s unfair in a way because Brian gets to love Roger and he gets to love romantically another person, and Roger is going to be left alone.

He wonders how long this thought has been bouncing around his head for him to know that he’s not going to get over this. His father always joked that “Taylor men only fall in love once,” back then he used it as a response for when his mom would complain about how long he was in the office. Roger has never thought he’d take it as damnation.

“That should be the last piece,” Roger says.

Funny how he sounds so normal when his world is ending. He has to bite his tongue to keep himself from blurting out this new-found fact. Who does he even talk to? Not Brian, even though that’s his go to. Freddie couldn’t keep it a secret, bless him. John, well, John might be his best option because he’d at least listen. He also sort of develops a resentment for Freddie at that moment, because this must be exactly what Mary felt before she broke up with him.

He hates how quickly this has clawed through his heart and taken root. Roger must’ve loved Brian for years. It’s not a lie, but it was never this type of love. Brian is looking at him strangely. Roger forces a grin.

“Had too much rum in the coke.”

Brian nods and places the lid on the box.

“Do you want to go lay down?”

Roger nods because pretending like he’s going to sleep is easier than recognizing that his world is ending.

“I’ve got clean up, go ahead.”

He fakes a smile and then tries to make it not so obvious that he’s fleeing. His bed doesn’t feel quite so welcoming, and he ends up staring blankly at Brian’s bed for an uncountable number of minutes. Roger bites the inside of he cheek and wonders if he can get away with telling Brian how he feels without ruining their friendship.

He’d ruin Queen too, and that’s not fair for Freddie or John.

Brian enters the room and crouches in front of him, “do you need anything?”

“No.”

He feels long fingers stroke through his hair. His eyes close automatically and the familiar gesture. It’s safe and comforting. When they stop, he practically whines.

“As much as I would like to keep you comfortable all night, I have to sleep.”

Roger hates how he’s going to hear those words and only long for them to be said with romantic love attached to them for once.

“Night.”

Brian gives him an odd look, “no fight? You must be feeling off.”

_Yeah, because one day my best mate, is going to tread on my heart and I won’t recover from it, and apparently this isn’t a new feeling for me I just never realized it._

The bed dips next to him and he’s being pulled into Brian’s embrace.

“Please don’t throw up.”

“No promises.”

“You’re lucky I love you.”

Roger closes his eyes and hopes it looks like he’s fighting a wave of nausea down. How he wishes that he won’t be meaning two things the next time he says them to Brian.

“Yeah, I am.”

Brian snorts, “goodnight, Rog. I’ll be here if you need me.”

_Always._


	2. Chapter 2

Roger wakes up with a throbbing head and cotton in his mouth. There’s a hand rubbing circles at the base of his neck, and he knows it’s Brian. Not because that’s the most logical conclusion, but because Brian is the only one that knows how to fight off his hangover headaches. He’s not overly hungover because he did limit himself to only two drinks, but he vaguely remembers telling Brian something else.

Ah. That must be why he has the sudden urge to cry. What the hell? He’s almost thirty, not some teenager learning about his first love.

Brian coos softly, “need me to get you anything?”

“No,” he whispers.

“Are you sure? You didn’t have any water before you went to bed.”

The concern is sweet and damn. Roger rolls onto his back to stare at the ceiling. He knows his behavior is going to make Brian panic, but he can’t help it because he wants Brian near but he also wants to figure out how to not ruin the best thing in his life. His usual options for when things got too heavy before he would like them to are to get shitfaced (and it’s a Sunday so not his best plan) or to find a bird to shag (he doubts he’ll be able to be interested in anyone who isn’t a lanky guitarist now) or to run and hide in Brian’s chest (considering Brian is part of the problem, also not viable).

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

“What would you do if someone who you didn’t love confessed to you?”

Brian blinks at the unexpected question. Roger catches his eyes to let him know he’s serious about that question. Not that it’s scoring him points in Brian’s assessment of him, he might be the emotional one but that doesn’t mean he’s any good with emotions. Brian looks upwards in thought.

“I suppose I would let them down gently, say that I don’t return their feelings.”

“If they were relatively close with you, how would you interact with them?”

“I’d give them space if that’s what made them or myself more comfortable,” Brian shrugs, “what’s brought this on, Rog?”

Well, he knows what his fate is going to be. Roger is also incredibly selfish, and he’d rather be hurt on his own terms. Freddie has taught him that being brave is the best way to live. He sighs and looks back up at the ceiling.

“Roger?”

Brian’s voice is soft with concern. He can’t get away from this line of questioning, but he also doesn’t want to be forced to answer questions he’s not positive of the answer of. This romantic love of Brian is new to him, no matter how right it seems. He doesn’t want to rush into a confession and have it rejected only to realize that he was drunk and projecting.

“I guess because I think I might be in that same situation soon,” Roger finally says.

Brian gently turns his head towards him, “oh, Roger.”

That’s what breaks him. He buries himself into the thin gray t-shirt, noticing how much it smells like Brian. He sobs and clutches the shirt tightly. Brian’s hand runs through his hair and down his back and then back up. His throat turns raw from the force of his tears. Roger distantly notes he’s trembling, but he focuses on how he can curl up to be the size of Brian’s torso.

The man soothes quietly and steady. Half the words he says fly over Roger’s head, but some get lodged in the space between his ribs.

“If they don’t love you, they don’t deserve you.”

Roger sags, “maybe I don’t deserve them.”

Again, his head is manipulated so that he makes eye contact with Brian, “anyone would be lucky to have you. Roger, you deserve the world.”

Brian strokes the tear tracks under his eyes. He closes them and leans into Brian’s touch.

“I promise, I don’t deserve them.”

“If they made you think that, then” Brian cuts himself off and almost sounds angry.

“You’re worth everything.”

The words sound much too close to something a lover would say rather than a friend. Roger figures he’s projecting that he and Brian have never had a conventional friendship. If he had to guess both Freddie and Deaky would say similar things if he was crying in their arms at the ass end of the morning.

“Bri, it’s you.”

Well, that’s not what he was planning to say. He looks away and bites his cheek hard enough he tastes blood. Brian is blocking him, so running away isn’t feasible. He glances longingly at the door when a hand wraps around his wrist.

“Roger, what are you saying?”

“Now you decide to be daft?” Roger snaps.

Brian recoils.

“It’s you. I love you.”

The words sound like surrender. He wonders how many strange looks he’d get if entered a pub this morning and got absolutely hammered.

He feels a hand on his face, the touch feather light. He tenses and wishes that if Brian was going to rip out his heart he wouldn’t be gentle about it. Roger’s healed from broken hearts before, they’re messy but he can do it. They left no room for doubt that the relationship was over.

“Roger, please look at me.”

Rogers eyes flick up, and he’s too scared to read the emotion hidden in the hazel ring.

“I can’t say I love you-”

He bolts upright only to be held down by Brian’s arm wrapping around his chest and practically pinning him. Roger whines.

“Let me go!”

“Let me finish.”

Roger bites his cheek harder and meets Brian’s eyes again.

“I can’t say I love you, but I do fancy you.”

“What?”

“I have fancied you since the day we met, I thought, my god this is the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t think you wanted that kind of relationship.”

Roger’s lips quirk up, the panic fleeing his body. Brian would never lie to him.

“I’m worth everything?”

Brian playfully groans, “what have I gotten myself into?”

Roger leans up and places a chaste kiss on Brian’s lips, “I promise you won’t regret it.”

“I could never."

**Author's Note:**

> As always, leave your thoughts below!  
> @sammyspreadyourwings


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